Thanks Alot Mark (2010)

Keeping up with the promise of posting previous work, here’s one more.  This was composed in 2010 and published as a Facebook Note.


I am a lovable person. I am a simple man, always appreciating life’s little gifts and lessons. During my spare time, I enjoying playing chess and taking (topless) jogs on the beach with my dog, Bucky. I can be a bit shy although I generally love interacting with people and people love me.
If there’s one thing that gets me ticked off, it’s Facebook. Not necessarily the social networking site but the misuse of it by certain factions in our society. Once upon a time Mark Zuckerberg, Chris Hughes and other friends where tired of smoking weed and chasing loose freshmen. So they decided to find a way to smoke more weed and chase more girls. Facebook was born. But by the time they released it in ’04 from their Harvard dorm, they had matured enough to realise that this was actually a great tool to keep in touch with friends and family whilst meeting new people.

Unfortunately, it seems that this idea did not equally infiltrate all parts of the world. When comparing the general Facebook habits in Swaziland to the habits I observe through friends from other parts of the world, a pattern began to emerge. These first world Facebook users generally take Mark’s words to heart. They respect him and his creation.

While Facebook is a great way to find out when, how and where the next beer will come from…the disadvantages of the ‘Book’ far out weight the advantages for me.

I wonder if Mark and friends knew what they were unleashing?…

Lets take a look how “cool” people down here roll:

1. Liking your own status.

Really now? It is pretty clear that if you are willing to forfeit data on an update, a part of you really likes what you have said and desperately wants us to see the greatness in it.  Logic dictates that going to the point of ‘liking’ it makes one seem silly.

2. The Wall & the Inbox

I am no genius, but the wall was made for visibility and the inbox for privacy. Don’t mix up the two. If u inbox me and say “hey Chris, what are you up too?”…then proceed to write on my wall : “Whooo Chris, did you see those thighs”…I might just call you an idiot, publicly.

3. Events.

Please click accept if you are really attending. It might look cool to be seemingly attending everything but that stops once we notice that you are never anywhere that you claim you will be. There is nothing weirder than attending gigs only in cyberspace. Click No..the world will understand.

4. Photos.

Why would we want to see the same picture of you over and over? Switch it up. I am tired of the “bathroom white tiles” view or the ever popular “dark-shades-with-camera-soo-close-so-that-you-cant-judge-the-face” view. If you upload a picture, don’t tell me u were bored or u don’t like it much. We all know that you probably went through a great deal trying to select the image that you felt was right. P.S. Please only tag me if I have something to do with the picture. Please.

5. Poking.

This is spreading like wild-fire. Personally I think its useless. My phone does not shake, nor do I get a text message. To all Poke Fans out there…kindly educate me on its practical use.

6. Status Update

Originally a status was intended to reflect a mood. “is Chris okay”…is “he happy”..etc. When one tries to pimp up their status by telling us where they are going, how many memory cards they bought today and how exciting the party, they actually look the opposite of cool. P.S. There is no time for Facebook at a really good party…trust me.

7. Friends.

Sweating to get more friends will not make u a better / popular person. If anything, it will most likely reveal self-esteem issues. Life might be a numbers game but having 300000 cyber friends wont help u in life, especially on your birthday when 97% of the wall posts say “happy bday”…nothing more. True friends hey?

8. Names & Alter egos.

Let me say this slowly…YOU ARE NOT NICKI MINAJ OR LIL WAYNE. If you spend your time crying over millionaires that have never met you, how do u expect to be grateful for the little (VERY little for some) that you have? ..Please, when you LOGIN into Facebook, LOGOUT of this fantasy world you live in.

9. Relationship Statuses.

After two weeks of dating, and people are already “married”. Most of these couples haven’t even seen each others pubic hair. Some don’t even have pubic hair. For those that become “engaged” to their best friends…listen up ladies…it actually shines an even greater spotlight to the fact that you don’t have a man. Being single is okay boys and girls, forcing matters is certainly not. is one of the greatest tools of our time. Thanks a lot Mark. It gives us the ability to do business, interact with the world and learn new things. The opportunities are endless, sadly so are the disappointments. If you are a true Facebook user and you managed to read this far, I sincerely apologise for wasting your time



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